do you mean it? can you defend it? are you saying it with love?

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
thistledropkick
thistledropkick

El Desperado's been doing a bit of a nostalgia tour while he's been in Mexico for CMLL, and one of his stops was the gay neighborhood of Mexico City.

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"Zona Rosa

An entertainment district of Mexico City.

Crowded both day and night.

This area has had a connection to the LGBT community for a long time.

There are many underwear stores and adult toy stores and so on.

The fourth photo shows a place where in the past, I was walking with an English wrestler and a man whispered "guapo ❤️" to me.

# Mexico"

njpw el desperado maybe it's not so weird that zakupe is still going strong on pictbland lol
t4t4t
katrafiy

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I think about this image a lot. This is an image from the Aurat March (Women's March) in Karachi, Pakistan, on International Women's Day 2018. The women in the picture are Pakistani trans women, aka khwaja siras or hijras; one is a friend of a close friend of mine.

In the eyes of the Pakistani government and anthropologists, they're a "third gender." They're denied access to many resources that are available to cis women. Trans women in Pakistan didn't decide to be third-gendered; cis people force it on them whether they like it or not.


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Western anthropologists are keen on seeing non-Western trans women as culturally constructed third genders, "neither male nor female," and often contrast them (a "legitimate" third gender accepted in its culture) with Western trans women (horrific parodies of female stereotypes).

There's a lot of smoke and mirrors and jargon used to obscure the fact that while each culture's trans women are treated as a single culturally constructed identity separate from all other trans women, cis women are treated as a universal category that can just be called "women."


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Even though Pakistani aurat and German Frauen and Guatemalan mujer will generally lead extraordinarily different lives due to the differences in culture, they are universally recognized as women.


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The transmisogynist will say, "Yes, but we can't ignore the way gender is culturally constructed, and hijras aren't trans women, they're a third gender. Now let's worry less about trans people and more about the rights of women in Burkina Faso."


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In other words, to the transmisogynist, all cis women are women, and all trans women are something else.


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"But Kat, you're not Indian or Pakistani. You're not a hijra or khwaja sira, why is this so important to you?"

Have you ever heard of the Neapolitan third gender "femminiello"? It's the term my moniker "The Femme in Yellow" is derived from, and yes, I'm Neapolitan. Shut up.

I'm going to tell you a little bit about the femminielli, and I want you to see if any of this sounds familiar. Femminielli are a third gender in Neapolitan culture of people assigned male at birth who have a feminine gender expression.

They are lauded and respected in the local culture, considered to be good omens and bringers of good luck. At festivals you'd bring a femminiello with you to go gambling, and often they would be brought in to give blessings to newborns. Noticing anything familiar yet?

Oh and also they were largely relegated to begging and sex work and were not allowed to be educated and many were homeless and lived in the back alleys of Naples, but you know we don't really like to mention that part because it sounds a lot less romantic and mystical.

And if you're sitting there, asking yourself why a an accurate description of femminiello sounds almost note for note like the same way hijras get described and talked about, then you can start to understand why that picture at the start of this post has so much meaning for me.

And you can also start to understand why I get so frustrated when I see other queer people buy into this fool notion that for some reason the transes from different cultures must never mix.

That friend I mentioned earlier is a white American trans woman. She spent years living in India, and as I recal the story the family she was staying with saw her as a white, foreign hijra and she was asked to use her magic hijra powers to bless the house she was staying in.

So when it comes to various cultural trans identities there are two ways we can look at this. We can look at things from a standpoint of expressed identity, in which case we have to preferentially choose to translate one word for the local word, or to leave it untranslated.

If we translate it, people will say we're artificially imposing an outside category (so long as it's not cis people, that's fine). If we don't, what we're implying, is that this concept doesn't exist in the target language, which suggests that it's fundamentally a different thing

A concrete example is that Serena Nanda in her 1990 and 2000 books, bent over backwards to say that Hijras are categorically NOT trans women. Lots of them are!


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And Don Kulick bent over backwards in his 1998 book to say that travesti are categorically NOT trans women, even though some of the ones he cited were then and are now trans women.

The other option, is to look at practice, and talk about a community of practice of people who are AMAB, who wear women's clothing, take women's names, fulfill women's social roles, use women's language and mannerisms, etc WITHIN THEIR OWN CULTURAL CONTEXT.

This community of practice, whatever we want to call it - trans woman, hijra, transfeminine, femminiello, fairy, queen, to name just a few - can then be seen to CLEARLY be trans-national and trans-cultural in a way that is not clearly evident in the other way of looking at things.

And this is important, in my mind, because it is this axis of similarity that is serving as the basis for a growing transnational transgender rights movement, particularly in South Asia. It's why you see pictures like this one taken at the 2018 Aurat March in Karachi, Pakistan.

And it also groups rather than splits, pointing out not only points of continuity in the practices of western trans women and fa'afafines, but also between trans women in South Asia outside the hijra community, and members of the hijra community both trans women and not.

To be blunt, I'm not all that interested in the word trans woman, or the word hijra. I'm not interested in the word femminiello or the word fa'afafine.

I'm interested in the fact that when I visit India, and I meet hijras (or trans women, self-expressed) and I say I'm a trans woman, we suddenly sit together, talk about life, they ask to see American hormones and compare them to Indian hormones.

There is a shared community of practice that creates a bond between us that cis people don't have. That's not to say that we all have the exact same internal sense of self, but for the most part, we belong to the same community of practice based on life histories and behavior.

I think that's something cis people have absolutely missed - largely in an effort to artificially isolate trans women. This practice of arguing about whether a particular "third gender" label = trans women or not, also tends to artificially homogenize trans women as a group.

You see this in Kulick and Nanda, where if you read them, you could be forgiven for thinking all American trans women are white, middle class, middle-aged, and college-educated, who all follow rigid codes of behavior and surgical schedules prescribed by male physicians.

There are trans women who think of themselves as separate from cis women, as literally another kind of thing, there are trans women who think of themselves as coterminous with cis women, there are trans women who think of themselves as anything under the sun you want to imagine.

The problem is that historically, cis people have gone to tremendous lengths to destroy points of continuity in the transgender community (see everything I've cited and more), and particularly this has been an exercise in transmisogyny of grotesque levels.

The question is do you want to talk about culturally different ways of being trans, or do you want to try to create as many neatly-boxed third genders as you can to prop up transphobic theoretical frameworks? To date, people have done the latter. I'm interested in the former.

I guess what I'm really trying to say with all of this is that we're all family y'all.

not wrestling yes!
lesbianveronicaquaife
blueboyluca

“When I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklyn’s streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogs’ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably won’t last: the reinforcer—the silence or the cessation of the annoyance—was exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.

— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)

not wrestling
girl-debord
molsno

one of mainstream feminism's largest failures of the past decade or so was the propagation of the term "toxic masculinity." I don't mean to say that the ways that men uphold rigid, overly-restrictive notions of masculinity shouldn't be discussed and criticized, but the name given to this phenomenon failed to accurately describe it for what it is: transmisogyny.

I think that here, julia serano's definition of transmisogyny makes it clear why that's a better word to describe this phenomenon. transmisogyny is the intersection between oppositional sexism, which is rooted in the belief that male and female are rigid, mutually exclusive, and "opposite" categories with no overlap between them whatsoever; and traditional sexism, the presumption that femininity is innately inferior to masculinity. when these two forms of sexism intersect, the result is transmisogyny.

when you look at it this way, it becomes clear why "toxic masculinity" is an insufficient term. when a man chastises a young boy for crying, or when a women mocks her male date for ordering a fruity drink at a bar, it's a message that communicates two things:

  1. "you're a man. that behavior is categorized as feminine, so it is off-limits to you."
  2. "because that behavior is categorized as feminine, doing it anyway will make you inferior to other men."

because the message is a combination of these two forms of sexism, it's transmisogyny, even if the person being chastised is not transfem or even gender non-conforming. however, let's be clear: this doesn't mean that men are uniquely victimized by transmisogyny. while yes, it is painful for some men to be held to these expectations, by and large, it is men who stand to gain the most by upholding them.

the goal behind this particular instance of transmisogyny is to discourage men from becoming "lesser" in the eyes of society. it is to punish them for being feminine, so that they will police themselves without anyone needing to punish them further. it is to prevent anyone assigned male at birth from even thinking about partaking in femininity. it is to stop trans women from existing, because we vehemently reject the notions that the two sexes are opposites with no overlap and that femininity is inferior to masculinity in the first place.

men benefit from this form of transmisogyny, and until now, they've never been held accountable for it. sure, maybe cis women will ridicule a man who refuses to order a lavender drink at a coffee shop and only uses 3-in-1 shampoo with "men's" in a big bold font on the label for being insecure in his masculinity, but this minor grievance is easily outweighed by the many privileges he holds for being masculine. maintaining these privileges is of the utmost importance for him, which is why, even after years of mainstream feminists raising awareness about and mocking "toxic masculinity," men still uphold and enforce the transmisogyny that allowed them to obtain these privileges in the first place. their position at the top of the gender hierarchy is a great place to be, and they can only stay there by ensuring that everyone else is firmly beneath them, with trans women at the very bottom.

and let me make myself clear from the outset, before this post starts circulating around and people start adding their own additions to it. it is a failure of mainstream feminism that this topic always begins and ends with discussions about men, when the people who are the most traumatized by this phenomenon are trans women. yes, it is unfortunate that many men have been so heavily conditioned by this phenomenon that they can't so much as cry when someone near to them dies, but I have very little sympathy for those men who then turn around and enforce the very same transmisogyny onto others.

furthermore, nowhere in this post did I say that only cis men benefit from this form of transmisogyny; trans men can and do uphold it, and likewise benefit from doing so, albeit usually to a lesser extent than cis men. even if they do so because their masculinity is called into question at a far greater rate than cis men's masculinity (and thus the stakes for failing to conform are higher), it still pales in comparison to how often trans women have been harassed and assaulted for failing to conform to the expectations of masculinity that were placed upon us all our lives, expectations which most of us never wanted anything to do with.

moving forward, we need to discard "toxic masculinity" as a term and start describing it for what it is: transmisogyny. we need to center trans women in the conversation, as we're the ones who are the direct targets of transmisogyny. we need to hold tme people accountable for enforcing these overly rigid gender roles in the first place - ESPECIALLY cis men, who benefit the most from doing so. and most importantly, everyone needs to stop talking over trans women when we discuss transmisogyny by redirecting the conversation to talk about how it hurts some other group. it should be enough that it hurts us. transmisogyny is the core of so many forms of gendered oppression that challenging it directly will benefit everyone in the long run, but it will have the most immediate and profound impact on us, and I think that's an important enough reason to work to combat it.

not wrestling

I wrote a story about the trope of an author being isekaied into their own story and meeting their characters, but treated as horrifyingly uncomfortable as I think it would be, and with a Class S setting. I’m really happy with how much less stressed I am doing exchanges. 

class s yuri manga
nakanotamu
nakanotamu

God okay the Axiz reunion in Noah of all things got me kind of in my meltear feelings again, it’s just that element of making a bad decision and choosing the wrong person and having to either figure it out or deal with it blowing up and I love it so much.

Tam has a bad start to 2022. She loses Mai, the first person to leave Cosmic Angels, to Giulia of all people, she catches Covid and misses out on an opportunity to even try and contend for the red belt. She’s depressed and once again (kayfabe) considering retirement.

Natsupoi sees this and it bothers her. This is wrong, Tam with no energy like this, despondent like this, not caring like this, is getting to her and she’s not sure why. So she starts poking her, provoking her, trying to get a reaction. She successfully makes Tam mad and their singles matches are set.

Tam brutally wins the cage match, but as she’s destroying Natsupoi she realizes, oh, I don’t want to fight her, that’s not what this feeling is. Oh god, I still care about her. Immediately after she wins the match she rushes back into the cage, the first person to check on Natsupoi.

They have their second singles match at Korakuen and Poi is furious, full of fire and a consuming need to finally beat Tam. And part way through, Tam’s spirit just goes out. She just doesn’t want to fight Poi any more, has no need to beat her a second time, she’s not going to keep fighting her. And Poi wins, but she’s uncertain.

Their third match approaches, the team match between their factions that was meant to serve as a proxy rubber match even though it wasn’t a third singles competition. Natsupoi doesn’t go to the press conference beforehand, Giulia jokes that they had to tie her up because just seeing pictures of Tam sent her into a rage. It’s not seriously what happened, but it’s believable, Poi is obsessed, and as she jokes Giulia grimaces like she knows where that kind of obsession can lead.

And sure enough in the team match Poi can’t fight it any more either. So many weeks at this point of wondering why she can’t stop thinking about Tam and she knows, and she turns on, very much betrays, all of her friends, just to be with Tam. And it’s awkward, and there’s a lot to figure out, but Tam accepts her immediately. She says later that she knew bringing Poi in would change things, maybe be difficult for the rest of Cosmic Angels, but she had to let her in.

And they click again, almost immediately, there’s a tiny bit of rust at first but it’s mostly like they never stopped tagging together. FWC nominate them to challenge for the tag belts because they’re the hot new team everyone’s talking about. And they need to put aside their instincts to both be the hero, to be two singles wrestlers who happen to be on the same side, and learn to actually help each other, and they do, and they win the belts right away. Tam is embroiled in a bit of a feud with Syuri, but after a tag match after they’d won the belts, she watches Syuri leave and nods to herself. She’s putting that aside for now. She’s focusing on the belt she has, on her tag partner. Natsupoi put her relationships aside to choose Tam, and Tam puts her aspirations aside to choose Natsupoi.

They do lose the belts but they’re fine, they’re solid, that’s not what’s important here. Tam challenges Giulia for the red belt that she won from Syuri, and she tries so, so hard to get under her skin. She says and does everything that would have destroyed Tam before. She makes her bleed, makes her look ugly in front of everyone. She tells her no one likes her, and Tam doesn’t care. For once, Tam is completely focused. She has someone to rely on now.

And she wins the red belt and now, Cosmic Angels are almost completely different. After Mina left, she said that it was seeing Tam with Natsupoi that made her realize that that spot next to Tam had not been hers. She spent two years thinking they were tag partners, equals, that she was the lieutenant of Cosmic Angels and Tam relied on her just like she relied on Tam. But seeing Tam with a real tag partner, seeing Tam actually rely on someone, makes her realize that it was one-sided, that she had only been relying on Tam. And Tam says she always knew Mina would strike out on her own one day, she just didn’t expect it so soon, but what she doesn’t say is that it happened now because she chose Natsupoi.

And Unagi is maybe? Possibly? Hopefully? Still a member of Cosmic Angels, though she’s certainly not around now, or seemingly will be for the indefinite future. She didn’t feel like her relationship with Tam wasn’t what she thought it was. She said that seeing Natsupoi next to Tam made her realize that she couldn’t stand next to Tam herself as an equal, that if she was ever going to be able to, she needed to leave and find what she was missing for herself.

And they still have the name Cosmic Angels, and the vibe, but Tam chose Natsupoi over her entire faction. She knew this was the risk, that maybe Natsupoi’s presence would shake things up so much everyone would leave. And she chose her anyway, and now that it’s happened, they’re figuring out what that means.

Just in time for Saori Anou to waltz in. Saori Anou, maybe the one person Tam would choose over Natsupoi - maybe that’s Poi’s fear. The person Tam texts first, the person Tam says I miss you, I want to see you to. The only person who gets to ignore Tam’s messages and has Tam saying “Hey!! Where have you been, I told you I missed you!“ instead of ignoring. The one person who gets all dere from Tam, no tsun. Natsupoi once said Tam “never confesses. She sets the mood so you feel like you have to confess to her.” Anou is the person Tam confesses to.

And when Anou first showed up Poi was uncertain, a little sad. She said she likes Anou but she’s such a major rival to her that she can’t help but feel unsure about having her around, like just by being there Anou is guaranteed to take something from her sooner or later. And sure, you can look at Natsupoi’s eternal quest for the white belt, her rough history with singles achievements compared to Anou’s lauded one. But I can’t help but see it as not a something, but a someone.

world wonder ring stardom nakano tam natsupoi anou saori shirakawa mina unagi sayaka the only thing more brutal than losing in wrestling is not being loved
nakanotamu

Anonymous asked:

What's Kairi been like since she returned to Stardom?

nakanotamu answered:

When she first came back, she said “I was Kairi Hojo, then I was Kairi Sane, and now I’m just KAIRI” and honestly I think that’s proved to be a rather good encapsulation of who she’s been since she came back.

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She doesn’t shy away from her past at all, referencing past relationships and events, and frequently drawing on parts of her character that are very identifiably what she was like before. Sometimes she’s very visibly Kairi Hojo, an overwhelmed underdog babyface pushing herself past the limits of reason. More frequently she’s visibly still Kairi Sane, a bit of a weirdo and a huge dickhead who loves getting under people’s skin, not seemingly out of maliciousness but bc she finds it entertaining, particularly when she’s teaming with Nanae Takahashi. But there’s a new, added element on top of it it too.

She’s experienced now, and she’s ~world travelled~, to be frank, she knows she’s a big deal. She’s a little aloof, and seems to see herself as a lot above everyone. (Except for maybe Mayu, but that’s a more specific relationship than this post needs to get into.) She uses the suffix -kun for nearly everyone, which is extremely overly familiar to the point of rudeness. It’s like when someone goes around calling everyone “buddy” in a way that makes it clear they are certainly not actually buddies.

And then, more recently, she started losing. (She only lost like 2 matches but, given she only wrestles infrequently and kind of assumes she can take everyone, that had her rattled.) Stardom is progressing and she looks around at an increasingly unfamiliar landscape that is catching up with her. The more she gets involved, the more clear it is how disconnected she actually is. When she first came back she quickly buddied up with Mayu, who was happy to team with her for a big return pop. But later last year, once they were set to actually face each other, Mayu was like, to paraphrase, “Yeah I can’t fucking stand her. I think she’s a bigshot who doesn’t work for it anymore and picks and chooses her spots to look good and doesn’t deserve the hype.” So that’s certainly not someone she can rely on to have her back. Her biggest ally so far had been Nanae Takahashi, based on a return to their tag team from like 8 years ago, and Nanae seems genuinely very fond of her, but also has her own stuff going on, and Kairi lost with her, so she’s prioritizing that relationship a bit less after that.

So she reaches out to basically her only remaining connections at this point - Natsupoi, who is obsessed with her, and Saori Anou, who along with Natsumipoi showed up to save her from being shortstaffed years ago, when they first established their connections to Stardom, to challenge for the Artist belts. And sidenote, but even the connections she draws on sort of show how out of the loop she is. Like, this is stuff going back 6, 7, 8 years. Ancient history in joshi time.

They both agree to team together, obviously, but it’s not just some perfect team that immediately comes together with everyone loving each other. Poi likes Anou, but is sceptical about teaming with such a major rival of hers, about even having her around. And, what’s more, Kairi is her idol, but once she gets this opportunity, she needs to sit and think a little bit, because she realizes she’s kind of just sad she’s not teaming with Tam for it. And Saori seems perfectly content to team with them, but pretty quickly, the way I see it, tips her hand that she’s actually there to be beside Tam again, and Kairi is almost more a means to an end for her, with how quickly she stepped up and told Tam she would join Cosmic Angels, before she’d even had her first match back in Stardom. (There’s plenty of room for her to reveal herself to be much more selfishly motivated than that but this is how the story reads to me so far and I’m going to stick with that until they tear that interpretation from my hands.)

So anyway, bringing it back around to Kairi that is the most recent development of her story. REstart did win the Artist titles, so Kairi got the win she was looking for, but she also finds herself much, much more closely tied to Cosmic Angels than she perhaps intended or expected, and that’s after herself admitting an interest in and similarity to Tam when she first came back. She pulled a team around her out of probably the last two people she figured would be totally devoted to her, only to immediately find they’re actually more devoted to someone else. They’re happy to be Kairi’s teammates, but they already have a leader. So the question now is if after so many years away, and so much time seeing herself as kind of above the day-to-day goings on of Stardom, if she can make herself treat her teammates as equals and learn how to play nice again as a member of a team.

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her insecurity has always been the subtext i think and dana ties it together so well here if she's so monstrous and so above everyone why does she stoop to manipulate the people who she feels bypassed the misery of wrestling? it feels almost telling that she didn't react much to waka at all while nanae was frothing mad kairi world wonder ring stardom
nakanotamu
nakanotamu

Unagi did an interview and the interviewer mentioned she recently tweeted something really late at night that read a lot like one of Tam’s lore dumps and she laughed and said “I just said what I wanted to say! But… I guess sometimes what I want to say sounds exactly like how she would say it. It’s because we’re always together.”

And I’m sooooooooo fine and normal about it I’m doing great I am taking it in stride it’s nbd

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so that's why she made her completely unrelated gleat feud also about tam lol she is so homesick ): unagi sayaka world wonder ring stardom